Intention:
Dialogue Chairs is a way of getting clarity on a particular conversation a man wants to have with
someone/something in his life, or a conversation he’s been having difficulty getting through with someone
without getting derailed or sidetracked.
Sometimes there is something we need to say to someone in our lives – partner, friend, employer, etc. – or
something - his depression, pain, etc. yet we do not, because we are afraid of the confrontation, afraid of the
outcome, or simply don’t know how to say what needs to be said. This process, called Dialogue Chairs, creates
a “scene” that gives a man a chance to speak what he needs without fear of confrontation or saying the wrong
thing that might hurt the other. Here’s how it goes.....The facilitator describes the set up, rules and time frame.
Set up: Two empty chairs sitting across from one another.
Process: The man doing work sits in one chair and the energy of the person he wants to speak with sits in the
other. If he feels called the man can have a man in the circle hold the energy of the person he wants to speak
with. The latter works best if the man holding the energy merely listens and does not respond orally or
physically, like a granite statue.
Step 1:
The facilitator asks the man "What do you need to say to this person?" and the man says whatever he needs to.
Facilitator waits until the man has stopped speaking and then asks "Is there anything else you'd like to say?"
If the man starts to go into "dumping" or gets charged, ask him to "Stop and take a few deep breaths". Usually
this allows the man to drop into his deeper truth. If he continues you can ask “What’s your deeper truth?” or
“What’s underneath that?”
Step 2:
Once the man has said all he needs to say have him switch places and embody the energy of the person in the
other chair. Then the facilitator says, "So this man had some things to say to you. What is your response?"
Facilitator waits until the man has stopped speaking and then asks "Is there anything else you'd like to say?"
Step 3:
Have the man switch places and sit back in his original seat. Have him embody the energy of himself once
again.
The facilitator asks the man "Is there anything else you need to say to this person?" and the man says whatever
he needs to.
(Note: You can go back and forth as many times as you need until the man is reaching a place of new
awareness or completion.)
Step 4: Wrap Up
To close the process ask the man "How do you feel now?". “Do you have any new insights to this situation?” Do
you see any further action you need to take?
Step 5: Optional Action Stretch
The man may see that he needs to have a real life conversation with the person he just spoke to. If appropriate
set a SMART stretch of how and when we would like to talk to this person. Remind him of the new awareness
he is bringing into the conversation.
Step 6:
When the man is complete, honor his work and offer an opportunity for him to conclude his work with an
affirmation that reflects his new understanding of himself.